The thing about most bad films is that you very often feel sorry for the filmmakers. Maybe they were trying. Maybe their visions clashed with each other and created a jumbled mess. Maybe hey put what they wanted on the screen, rather than considering what audiences would want. Maybe what they had intended simply didn’t translate as well as they’d hoped into a finished product. Underworld: Blood Wars doesn’t fit into any of these categories. It is an insulting, stupid, half-hearted sequel to a franchise already well on its way to bleeding out.
The only things this film respects less than its audience are its predecessors. From the opening narration, there are horrible inconsistencies. In the first film, Underworld, Kate Beckinsale’s Selene meets a man named Michael. At the very climax of the film, it is revealed that the circumstances surrounding her family’s death were not as she had been told. She then turns on the vampire elders, leading to the final showdown. In this film, though, she tells the audience that she met Michael while on the run from the elders. Later, we’re told that a vampire named Semira is jealous of Selene because Semira served as regent until another named Viktor reassigned the duty to Selene. Thing is, in the first film a vampire named Kraven was serving as regent, and Selene never held this position. In the other films we also see that vampires are able to absorb the memories of another when drinking their blood. In this film, they need to drink the same blood multiple times in order to look at the memories again. There’s no real reason for this. One can only assume that nobody involved in the making of this film actually watched the other entries in the series.
There isn’t much of a plot. At the conclusion of the last film, Selene is looking for Michael with their daughter, Eve. In this film, Michael and Eve are absent, Selene appears to have given up her search for Michael and now seems to be simply hanging out with a guy named David, introduced in the last film. The vampires send her an offer to pardon her crimes in exchange for her aid in fighting the werewolves, and the plot declines predictably from there.
The CGI isn’t great, the editing is all over the place and the performances, while not bad, are so different in style from the other films that you feel as if you are watching an entirely unrelated film.
This was the fifth film in the Underworld series. Apparently, they also have a sixth film in development. I don’t think I’ll be in a hurry to see that one. It’s taken ten months, but 2016 finally has another film as bad as Dirty Grandpa.