The Spider-Man Homecoming trailer is out, and through gritted teeth, I’ll say it: it looks pretty good.
It’s not that I don’t like Spider-Man – I do. But Spider-Man is one of the most over-rebooted franchises in recent history. To refresh your memory, Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man came out in 2002, Andrew Garfield’s ten years later, which means that Tom Holland’s turn in Spider-Man Homecoming makes three Spider-Mans and six Spider-Man films in fifteen years.
And I’ll say it: there are too many Spider-Men. But more importantly, there are too many Peter Parkers. But who else could possibly be Spider-Man? I hear you say. Well…
Miles Morales as Spider-Man
Miles is the most logical choice for a non-Peter Parker Spider, especially after the events which took him from the Ultimate universe to the mainstream Marvel universe (Earth-616).
In Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man, Peter Parker dies. Conveniently, after this, 13-year-old Miles gets bitten and becomes a superhero. Also a science nerd, Miles struggles with a whole host of personal issues, and is originally reluctant to assume a superhero mantle, but eventually ends up embracing his
There’s even a crossover event, Spider-Men, where Peter Parker gives Miles his blessing to be Spider-Man. Nick Fury, Aunt May and Gwen Stacey are also on board with him taking the Spider-Man name, so if you have a problem with Miles, take it up with them.
Created as part of the Spider-Verse event, Spider-Gwen was a huge hit and now has her own ongoing series.
In Earth-65, Gwen Stacey is friends with Peter Parker and is a drummer in the band The Mary Janes. She gets bitten by a spider and becomes the Spider-Woman of her world. Retired superhero Janet van Dyne (the Wasp) gives her a costume and webshooters, and she is much cooler than Peter Parker.
Cindy Moon as Silk
So she doesn’t have ‘Spider’ at the start of her name – already proving she’s more inventive than Peter Parker.
Cindy was bitten at the same time as Peter Parker, but after an accident, she gets taken away to be trained, and then hidden from a big bad supervillain, before getting rescued by Peter. They work together and she saves him a few times, and does a bunch of cool things like being a double agent and dealing with an evil alternate version of herself.
Also, her costume is awesome.
Jessica Drew as Spider-Woman
The most well-known Spider-Woman is Jessica Drew, who also happens to be the original Spider-Woman. Originally created for the sake of establishing trademark, she did surprisingly well and has gone through incarnations as a super spy, a HYDRA agent, an Avenger, a New Avenger, a Secret Avenger, and a SHIELD agent. And she’s always awesome.
Hey, remember the time that dummy Peter Parker forgot his lunch and long-suffering Aunt May went to deliver it to him? And then she got bitten by a spider and got all those spider powers and she became a stuntwoman for money and then she started fighting bad guys?
It happened. And I would rather watch that than watch Peter Parker swing around one more time.
Mary Jane Watson as Spider-Woman
In an alternate universe where Peter Parker (thank god) doesn’t exist, Mary Jane is a kick-ass lesbian Spider-Woman and she falls in love with Sunfire. Gimme. (Please.)
Not even kidding.
for the love of God